With George Orwell guesting as script writer, James Bond’s 25th movie finally hits Big Brother’s screen:

Bond sidled into O’Brien’s. The distant memory of Bar 101’s money-stink had been substituted by the odour of overdone broccoli and a goose that was well and truly cooked. He nodded to O’Brien,

“Victory Martini, upshook, antistir.”

O’Brien held up three fingers,

“Two fingers?”

Bond ignored him and felt stronger for it. He joined Q, sitting directly below the screen upon which Big Biden’s beneficent face hovered over the slogan Afghan is Peace.

Q passed him what resembled a Victory pen. “Attentionpay 007; It’s a pen, except it actually writes. Be careful with it.”

Bond took it and immediately signed his name between holes in the tablecloth.

“For goodness’ sake Bond!” exclaimed Q.

Bond smiled wanly, “I’m a slave to freedom Q, what can I tell you? Is no-one concerned with world domination anymore?”

“And where is Miss Punnymany?” Bond scanned the empty bar.

“It’s ‘Ms’ and she doesn’t identify as a secretary these days Bond; do keep up. Everyone is of course equal including her and M.” explained Q.

“Ok, ok. I’ll watch my Ps and … Qs. But M & Ms does have rather a sweet ring to it don’t you think?”