In a Drowning Street briefing late last night, it was announced that after what seems like two deaf aids of infighting, the West Kent city of Flujab has been made safe and is confirmed as being clear of memes. NHS resources are now being strategically withdrawn from the County. Historically, this last outpost of the former Kingdom of Perisher has been beset by sectarian violins – those moaning intolerably about anti-vaxxers and those with absolutely no IED about what was really going on.
NOWT SO WEIRD AS FOLKESTONE
Flujab had proven a soft target for memes during the first half of 2021, even following the so-called test surge ordered by UNPREPARE. The Kent strain of viral memes had spread west of the River Me’dway, far beyond the traditional east side home of the Men of Kent.
MASQUE SEPARATE TESTS
Dr Tash Kent, a volunteer with Medway San Frontieres, is very worried about the withdrawal and managed to get word out from the northern port of She’erness – “We’ve still seen a massive rise in Rochester Infections and people being affected by lame memes. Some have been really clever but others are causing terrible suffering. Here in Kent they don’t call the fields ‘hop parishes’ for nothing. It’s been an awful strain.”
RISING INVICTION RATES
Rising tensions between traditional rivals, the Men of Kent and the Kentish Men have led to new strains emerging – fueled by indiscriminate use of lame memes across the county. Both groups are still hopping mad.
THEY THINK IT’S ALL DOVER
Withdrawal of NHS resources at this critical time for critics has raised concerns of a power vacuum that might threaten the twice postponed Invicta Games organised by the absent Prince Henry of Hoover. Local superhero Clark Kent commented “Our motto ‘Invicta’ and the white horse symbol are what unites Kent. Henry served us well during his tour of duty and we won’t forget that but VAX or no VAX there will be no other power vacuum here.”
THE GORDON OF ENGLAND
In spite of media speculation, Gravesend’s mass burial sites which proved so popular with London’s undertakers during the Black Death, have not actually been needed. The Government’s so-called ‘Nightshade’ Cemeteries have now been earmarked for development of the Princess Pocahontas Place of Death Pleasure ParkTM (Incorporating ‘Khartoum TimeTM ’ a celebration of the local works of Major General Charles Gordon who died Sudanly in 1885).
Love the Henrys